When J told me she hadn’t slept well the night before, I wasn’t overly surprised as she is often up in the night for various reasons.
“Why didn’t you sleep?” I asked. Her stressed out little response made me laugh and still has me thinking, “Mama, I am a rich person, and it is difficult for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!”(from the story of the rich young ruler in Matthew 19, Mark 10 and Luke 18).
She vocalized a tension I feel in a significant way at least once a week. I don’t feel the tension of being unsure of my salvation, but the awkward lumbering footsteps of a rich person in a very poor area. The weight, the responsibility and an acute need for wisdom that wealth brings. While living in the US, it wasn’t so readily at the front of my thoughts as most people around us, lived very similarly to us. Sitting through training with overseas workers from multiple countries, I have also over the week heard multiple evacuation stories, where with a few hours notice, they had to get on a plane and there was no chance to go back to their houses to say goodbye or grab anything. They left their countries of residence with clothes on their back and passport in hand and that’s it.
Reflection on this makes me aware of my heart ties to stuff. In the medical course we’ve also had a break out session on our cross-cultural servanthood and talked through worldview issues that differ from a Western mindset to the 2/3 world. The view on “stuff” is so opposite. (Every possession is for the good of community and freely borrowed, lent, given, etc). Westerners tend to be more possessive of “our” stuff and time but will generously give money.
Once again, I come to this space with more questions than answers, driving all the solution-oriented people to distraction.
How do you wrestle with this tension? What are things God has shown you in it?