Ouch

I can’t quite do this right now. My emotions are at such a dichotomy. When I noticed we had internet, I sat down to write about how amazing today has been. Neighbors poured in with love, food and congratulations over the two new additions to our family and our return. As everything spun and things slowly pulled in, I noticed I was tagged in a photo on Facebook by my mom. We were well celebrated. Our babies were kissed, squeezed and loved on in so many ways. My e-mail hasn’t come in nor any of my messengers. As the internet connected on my phone, I noticed my mom tagged me in a photo on Facebook. It was this photo.

This is from Memorial Day. My sister and I with my Grandpa Beer. It’s the last time I am going to see him on this earth as it was captioned that he has passed from this earth. Ouch. The feels are deep and the legacy of each of my grandparents are profound and leave a spiritual heritage that I can’t put to words. He met both of our babies and I’m so glad. 

I haven’t started to cry yet. It’s hard to swallow and my eyes feel hot but I need to wait until the kids sleep as we’ll need to process it together in the morning. We can’t go back for this funeral. This is the  second grandparent who has passed while we’ve been in Ethiopia and I feel so FAR away. 

Here’s one of my favorite photos of Grandpa and my girls, doing what he loved and was so amazing at. Going out to the barn, saddling up his ponies and loving us and our children by sharing it with us.

The older I have gotten, the more I marvel at my grandparents. Each of them. During our young summers, something I always looked forward to was spending a week with Grandpa and Grandma. It was full of cookie baking, pony rides, cousins on the trampoline and Sweet Corn Charlies. We had to be a huge hassle but Grandpa and Grandma made us feel like we were the most important business in the world. 

As we are in Ethiopia and over and over explaining adoption, all of my grandparents have been so near to my heart as I’ve found if we start the story with, “Actually, did you know I am an adopted child?” Then I start and tell them of my father, Ron, how he died 2 weeks before I was born. We continue into how God brought my mother a new husband and I more fully realize how unselfish everywhere in my families, there were people who blessed us in ways I can never thank them enough for. My sister and I were adopted, to become full daughters of our new father, Mike. We remained fully involved in our biological family as well. I realize adoption for me was celebrated and I felt spoiled as my siblings and I were the only set of kids I knew with a full three sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. 

How thankful I am that Grandpa is with Jesus tonight. Wow. How thankful I am for our families.

I love this photo with Grandpa and Grandma. I’m holding a scratchy kitten because I wasn’t going to let it down after grandma ran around the barn trying to catch it for my girls to see and I was worried she may have stumbled to snag it again if I let it go. :)

My heart is sad, grieving for grandma, my family and myself and the hole he leaves. Though, because of Jesus, we don’t grieve as those who have no hope.