As The Littles are really stretching their wings and facing things like sharing with sister, obeying Mommy, etc, we have had some obstacles to overcome.
I hesitate to write the following paragraphs because I know some of the readers will completely disagree. I could write posts and posts on attachment, but it can sound kind of crazy. So, I will limit myself to this. :) Something that has been working for us and things we are noticing, not saying this is what every parent should or must do…
Before we completed our adoption, we read about how children from traumatic pasts often need to be parented using a different approach. One example was a “time-in” instead of a “Time-Out”. This is especially important with children who battle abandonment issues and insecurities.
It is basically the same thing, but instead of me sending The Littles away from me or off to a corner or crib (which I feel like doing), I set them near or even beside me until they calm down. (With kiddos as young as The Littles, it takes about 10 seconds-1 minute to calm down). The premise behind this being that if when they are being rotten, if I would send them away, it could seem to their little hearts (that oft freak out about being left/abandoned by Mama/Daddy) that I only want them when they are “good”.
As with all parenting, it is a constant learning curve and we cry out to the Lord daily for wisdom!
An EXCITING Seminar is coming to Fort Wayne, designed for:
-Parents of Adopted Children
-Foster Parents
-Grandparents
-Caregivers
-Professionals working with children
“Mom, Can I Blow Up My Brother?”
Understanding and communicating with the wounded child
Emotionally Focused Therapy
A seminar hosted by:
Megan Spinks, LCSW, ACSW
Patty Jewell, LCSW
Guest Speaker: Robert Spottswood, M.A. LCMHC
April 16th, 2011 9am-3pm, $15, lunch included
General Overview of the Seminar: “Today’s families face many challenges. For adoptive families, these challenges may look different. One of the most difficult skills for adoptive parents, foster parents, caretakers and child professionals is understanding and responding to the real emotional issues which drive and support disruptive behavior. How does aggression, defiance, avoidance, and lying come to be safely understood? How do you come to set the behavior aside to understand the emotional need beneath it? How do you come to understand the emotional needs/hurts driving the behavior?…This seminar will allow for parents and caregivers to understand why rewards, lectures, and predictable consequences will not meet the emotional needs behind the behavior.”
Interested? Get in contact with me regarding details or e-mail meganspinks@comcast.net or call her at 260-459-0990.
We are so excited for this day to gain more wisdom and insight.
11 comments:
I love this! I keep getting pieces of advice from mommies on how to parent children who are adopted and I am so glad I can put these away for our time to use them!
Makes sense - I'm not a parent, but it surely sounds effective at fixing the behavioral meltdown while providing some reassurance that they are loved and that you are still there.
Can I just say the photos with their bare feet just melt my heart - they are too cute!
Amy, how can they even be so adorable with their little pouty faces?! Too cute! Joanna looks the same! I am really interested in the seminar so I will contact Megan. By the way, where did you get that cute doll?
Karen
I am going to the seminar, we've been seeing Megan for counseling... see you there??
Ames - the first pic made me laugh and cringe all at once. Seriously, they are too adorable! That seminar sounds awesome. Maybe I should go. :) I love the theory behind Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, so if they use a similar model for families, I'm sure it's great.
ack! they are SO adorable! I know that particular part of parenting isn't easy (although I haven't gotten quite that far in the journey yet), but I love that you stop to take pictures! :) It makes me want to stop what I am doing and come kiss their little toesies!
this event would be SO beneficial for what we are facing at Gateway. Unfortunately we are on duty and its a Saturday so there is no way i can get away to go to it :( could i have copies of your handouts when you are done? maybe even touch base with you afterward to get some info?
Nichole Suvar
Ames, you are doing exactly the right thing with the girls! You definately do parent adopted children different than biological. You are doing a great job! And I agree, with some other comments - they are SO stinkin' CUTE with those pouty faces!!!
Karen, the dolls were gifts...I think found at Sam's Club?
Pam, we are planning on being there! Although we also planned to be at Heather Forbes and THe Littles were having such meltdowns, I could not go!
Kris, I am super-excited about it. We would love it if you could come and you would be welcome to stay with us! The original model was created by Daniel Hughes...don't know if it is the same thing.
Thanks for all your comments!
that 1st picture of them pouting is horribly cute ( :
i'm curious, do they usually get in trouble at the same time? like, have you found bad attitudes & actions contagious? have the time-ins been effective?
i remember being unsure of how to discipline when Tait was that age. I'm sure dealing with extra attachment issues just makes it harder to discern...
Adi is sitting on my lap and we were looking at pictures of her friends. When we looked at these pics, she got a very concerned look on her face. I explained that her friends were spending time sitting still (a very hard thing for this little girl) because they had disobeyed their Momma.
She usually waves when she sees their picture, but this one took a while... she just isn't sure what to do when the Littles aren't smiling in their pictures! :) She finally came around and waved. Adilynn says "Hi" girls!
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