Friday, February 26, 2010

A Giant Ball of Contradictions

Lately, I feel like I have had so many feelings in my heart at one time, I am just one big contradiction.  Last night, I had a night full of rough dreams and woke up feeling overwhelmed by the unknown.

Thankfully, I had the time to spend part of the morning in the Word and turning everything over to God.  Why don't I learn to just keep it all surrendered?!?!

A dear woman from Ohio penned these words.  So, thanks Larisa M. for letting me post this! Larisa and her husband adopted their son.  He is home with them now and is a TOTAL doll.   She wrote this poem, before she met him and I think it begins to describes my giant mess of emotions.
 
• I'm your Mom, but I've never met you.

• You're my son, but I still don't exactly know how to say your name.

• I can't wait to meet you, but it terrifies me too.

• I can say "Where are the suitcases?" in your language, but I haven't learned "I love you" yet.

• You're not even four, but you're one of the scariest people in my life.

• I've never seen you face to face, but I miss you terribly.

• I've never held you, but my arms ache for you.

• You're one of the most important people in my life, but you've probably never even thought about me. I doubt if you know what I look like yet.

• I have no idea how to be a parent, but I'm going to be asking you to commit yourself to my care.

• You're my only child, but I'm not your only Mom.

• Being your Mama is undoubtedly going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but probably also one of the most rewarding.

• We live on two different continents, but God has chosen us for each other, and He'll be there through everything.

Author: Larisa M.

5 comments:

themummerts said...

Well said. I completely agree with those thoughts!

Carissa said...

I can relate to so many of these thoughts! It's a wild ride, isn't it? Praying for your court date...Carissa (baby girl in Mekele)

Minders said...

I completely agree!

Kristen said...

That's beautiful, Ames. Thanks for sharing. Praying for Monday!

Karen (Mom) said...

I met you in Mexico on a work team (with Neal and Kim Kellenberger) and have known Jon since our Alto days about 21 -22 years ago:) I saw the baby pics on facebook and came to your website. I am praying that God will be with you and provide for you and your new little family in all ways.
Neal and Kim hope to adopt from Ethiopia too and it makes me lonesome for "our" baby.
Love, Karen Kellenberger