The Hard Parts of November

November brings with it lots of good things, the start of the Holiday season, Thanksgiving, Little J and Little A’s birthday and pumpkin pie (just to name a few).

However, there are some really hard things confronting me in November that I can’t escape. 

In the joy of J & A’s birth, there was a family across the world who lost their mother.  A woman who died with 8 living children.  Her husband, lost his wife and made the painful decision that J & A needed to be taken to an orphanage because they wouldn’t survive with him.  That is painful. I ache.

In addition, November 11th marks a day of a three-year old deep wound that God has healed.  But the scars are deep and ugly. I am going to share it with you as I pray you will be blest and changed through it too. Besides, this blog has become like therapy for me. :)

As some of you know, I was living in Mexico, working at a children’s home after college.  Three years ago, Jon and I were engaged, I had plans on moving back to the US in December so we could get married. 

There was a family in town in Magdalena who God had connected me with years previously.  7 kids, mostly grown, who were orphans as their mother and father had died when they were young. Do you ever get the feeling that God has His Sovereign Hand on a family?  This is the impression I was left with.  It seemed like every time I went to spend time with this family, I felt the Spirit moving among them, drawing them to Him.

Trini was my age. Trini had four kids with multiple dads and was doing whatever she could to scrape by and had involved herself in some questionable professions.  Trini was my friend. I would go and visit Trini and we would sit outside on upside-down 5 gallon buckets. Sometimes I would find only the kids home, hungry and scared.

Trini with three of her kids and her sister (in the hat).

On November 11th, Trini brought her kids to church and we talked a lot that day, about a lot of really hard stuff.  We were supposed to meet on Monday morning. I told her I loved her.

A short time after the church bus had left, I got a call from Trini’s brother. “Amy, come quick, I think Trini is going to do something stupid.”  By the time I jumped out of the truck on her street, it was too late.

I ran down the dirt street, between police cars, blocking out the sounds of neighbors wailing. I got to her little house and there met her brother.  Trini had taken her own life.  Trini had lost hope.  Her daughters found her.

“No Trini, No! There is so much hope for you!” I wanted to scream it to her, but she was already cold.  “There is Jesus, in whom all hope is found!”

Across the street, I saw her kids, wailing, her sisters, on the ground.  I sat on the ground too.  I held them or they held me, I don’t really remember.  Four more orphans in this world, ages 8,7,5 and 3. The hearse pulled away and her sister needed to be restrained as she screamed, “take me with you, Trini, take me with you!”

It was decided that three of the kids would go to the children’s home where I was working.  That night, we put mattresses on my floor and the kids slept there.  I couldn’t sleep all night but was thankful the kids finally fell asleep. At one point during the night, the oldest girl sat straight up and screamed.

I cried out to God, “How can You do this? You are supposed to be a good God!”

And then pressed on my heart, I felt a deep assurance, “Amy, I am Good because I say I am Good.”

There is so much more but my tears are flowing too hard.  God will  not cease to be good.  I still wake up occasionally and I am crying and saying, “Trini, I am so sorry Trini, I am so sorry.” And then I have to rest in the fact that God is Good because He says He is Good.

Two of Trini’s children are now living with two very godly women who love them so much and He has been faithful to them.

The rest of the family continues to go through some awful stuff, but I still have this unshakeable feeling that God has His Hand on them, drawing them near to Him.

Oh Father, Please let us show Your hope to others around us!  May we be your hands and feet. Don’t let us sit by while others die and lose hope. Use us Heavenly Father and thank you for Your Sovereignty and Your continual Goodness.