Sunday, July 28, 2013

This Girl

 

Little A makes me cry so many tears. Sometimes it's because she is defiant and sassy and I don't know what to do. Lately, my tears come on her behalf of her sadness. The Littles aren't advanced academically, I actually think we have some delays but socially and emotionally, she is wise beyond her years.

The move has been hard on her. She is a planner and it's harder for her to enjoy the moment because many of them are unplanned, I can't prep her on what to anticipate or the schedule changes. In addition, because of her amazing memory and her strong attachments in the USA, she vividly remembers and deeply misses the world she has come from. She looks through pictures and she quietly sits, "I miss Grandma Fiechter, I miss Mimi, I miss…" 

She convicts me with her simple and then applied understanding of the Scriptures.

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We sat in a gas station, in the vehicle while Jon filled up. A little boy was talking to us through the window. When it was time to leave, he said, "Money, money, money." I sadly smiled, told him "I can't give you money" and we pulled out. After a few beats of silence, Little A said, "Mama, doesn't the Bible say to love one another?" "Yes, baby," I responded tentatively, having a decent idea of where the conversation was headed. "Mama, you didn't love that boy. He was poor, he asked for money and didn't have any and you didn't give him money."

And I don't know what to say, I tried to explain that most times, giving money out a window isn't the way to help someone.

Last week they played on the kitchen floor while I made dinner. She was asking about returning to Leo church, family and friends. I responded overly chipper, "Well, we can see them again, we can pray for them and think about them and they can pray and think about us!" Moments passed and a quiet little voice asked, "Are we going to stay here forever?" 

And I don't know what to say. How do you explain two years to a three-year old?

While in Bahir Dar, we were able to Skype with family. The girls had finally warmed up but it was time to wrap up the conversation with Nana and Papa, she was all smiles. Little J, in her sing-songsy voice said, "Can, I say one more thing?!  I like you". Not to be outdone Little A announced she had one more thing to say. She was given the floor and she dropped the question, "Will you remember me?"

And I don't know what to say. "Of course they will remember you, Baby". and then I turn away because I don't want her to see my tears.

The wound is deep for her, separation is acutely felt and I know that we have signed her up for a life of transition and goodbyes and it kind of breaks my heart. I know that as believers, we are not promised a life on the same continent as people we love and it is truly a joy to live where God has called us. But how do I explain that to a three year old? 

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Life here has joys and experiences that can't be replicated outside of pulling up roots and planting ourselves in a new place but it comes at a cost. I feel that cost acutely when observing my little tree wilt, knowing her tree will root again and she will flourish, praying it is soon. It hurts to watch.

 

15 comments:

Justin & Sarah said...

Tears and prayers for my precious Little A from Plymouth. Praying that her tree takes root in the fertile soil of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ..."I am the Vine. You are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." Little A may have the joy and blessing of learning this all so important lesson much sooner in life than many of us. Love and prayers on your behalf!

Anonymous said...

It's good that they are experiencing life in their ancestral land. They will appreciate it when they grow up.

Susie said...

This is such a fantastic post- thankyou for sharing it. I can completely relate to it- even though we are in Fiji( only 4 hours from home in Australia) but the feelings and experiences are very similar nonetheless. Well keep you all in my prayers xx

Sheila said...

My mama heart breaks for you. Praying Little A finds her place in all of this soon. Blessings to all of you.

Mindy said...

Oh Amy, my heart hurts for you. That is SO hard. I'll be specifically praying for sweet A. Thanks for sharing the real and the hard with us.

MarknBarb said...

"Sigh!" This blog hurts down deep! Jesus can relate to being sent to a foreign land...He had it so perfect in heaven...He will continue to guide you one step at a time.

Love and prayers,
Barb

Jessica said...

As tears are streaming down my face - I'm praying for you all! Especially Little A...Our dedicated prayer day is August 3rd and we will be travelling in a car for 8 hours - we are excited to dedicate much of that "down time" in prayer for your family as a family. We will add Little A as a prayer point. Lots of love to you all,

The Fiechters

Christen Leigh said...

:( Tell Adia hi from me and that I miss her! (And Jada, too, of course!)

Sarah said...

Oh Amy. Praying for little A. Thank u for making us aware. U r doing a great job with your girls

Jenna said...

Oh. Praying for you. The tears are flowing. I was just able to spend the weekend with Alisha Gutwein (Haiti), and thought what a treasure she is because of her being raised on the mission field. How her heart and perspective has to be so different than mine. Praying for you all and little A. Praying that she can find joy in her new surroundings. And for you... My heart aches for you.

leah said...

this makes me want to weep. thanks for sharing -- we will continue to pray for each of you!

love you!

Amber Steffen said...

Thanks for sharing openly the reality of change. It helps to be a part of God's work around the world, to be praying more and to share in your struggles. Praying you just feel blessed and encouraged - and that today gets a little bit easier for Little A and the rest of you.

Anonymous said...

tears here too! so many prayers coming your way!!
love you all, Jan S

emilykate said...

Amy, when I read this I had just listened to a podcast about how sometimes we don't encourage each other with scripture because it sounds cliche, when really, we need to be reminding each other of the promises of God, believing he is true. So with that said, Romans 8 came to mind..."all things work together for good to them that are called according to His purpose". Praying that truth for your family knowing it will happen because God has promised it.

Alison said...

Oh, this brought tears to my eyes! I thought about ya'll so much when we were in Ethiopia last week. Your sweet girls are learning at an early age how to follow the Lord, and how sometimes that involves sacrifice. Praying for ya'll right now!!!