Monday, June 28, 2010

Who Will Care for My Children?

I lay in bed on Saturday night, not able to sleep and my mind wandered to if I could survive on a deserted island. (Weird, I know). I started thinking about if I could find food, fresh water, find a way to catch fish, etc. Then I imagined trying to put the girls down for a nap in the sand, not gonna happen! I started to seriously think about survival with two babies in tow. My mind went to not being able to find proper nutrition for them. I know how fussy they get if they are an hour late for a feeding and I imagined them going all day, as I frantically tried to learn to climb trees to get some kind of fruit. Suddenly, it was like I was punched in the stomach.

I have been around poverty a lot. I have seen it first hand in the U.S. and abroad.  I have lived among it in Mexico. When I see it firsthand or through pictures or hear stories, I process it as “fact” and a sad fact that we, as the body of Christ, should be pouring ourselves into. However, that night in bed, it became personal, like it hasn’t for years. I imagined Jada and Adia slowly becoming listless as their hunger pains grow and then watching them wilt away as day after day, I can’t provide the nutrition they need. Oh God. The pain of even imagining it was too much. Then, facts that I have presented countless times on education, infant mortality rates, lack of clean drinking water, AIDS, slavery, prostitution, came alive in my mind, imagining walking to the edge of a filthy river and letting my children drink, knowing we are all getting disease because of our thirst, but this being our only option. I heard the words in my heart, “this is reality for so many”. I cried in pain as I thought about all the mama’s that experience this. Oh God, be merciful, may your name be known!

I had just done an LSM presentation and talked about a Mom had AIDS and her children were HIV+. She knew she didn’t have much time left and was hoping to get them into a Loving Shepherd Ministry Home of Hope. As I remembered her and look into her eyes in the picture, these words echoed around my head, “Who will care for my children?”
As I recount this, I weep, I have a sleeping child in the room beside me and a happy, bubble-blowing child on the floor behind me, we just finished our morning solid foods and bottle. I get to watch them get more alive and chunkier each day. I am thankful that this has once again affected me to the core, it has changed once again from fact, to a fact that shakes me to my soul. May God continually break my heart with what breaks His.

4 comments:

Amber Nicole said...

Thanks so much for being willing to share Amy. What a powerful reminder and parallel that is so hard for us to fathom as Americans at times...

Janell said...

As I've had these same thoughts, I've prayed and hoped for Christ's return more than ever. Going to Ethiopia and adopting a child from there has forever changed me. Your last line has been on my heart and in my prayers for a while now. Have you read The Hole In Our Gospel?

Minders said...

Wow Amy, Amen and amen to that.

Justin & Sarah said...

Thank you so much for that reminder, sad though it may be.